Thursday, April 21, 2005
a confession
helo.
i have a confession to make.
this feeling comes upon me rather often nowadays, and i am consumed by it. it usually sends my mood into a downward spiral for a few minutes, and then all will be well. these feelings of guilt and shame usually come at times when i am alone, travelling, reading, or other stuff.
it is then when i realise how sinful, how unrepentant i am. it is also then that i realise how great and merciful a God i have. i am convicted of my sin, my guilt and all the wrongs which i have committed. only when i come back to the moment with a renewed sense of purpose do i realise the gravity of the situation.
when i talk about wasting time and money (which is quite often, actually), i say it only half-jokingly. most of the time at the end of the day i will look back and think to myself, "where in the day could i have made better use of my time?" usually the answer is obvious and too painful. the knowledge that i have wasted away the very things God has so mercifully blessed me with is not very comforting, and i shudder at the thought that i will one day have to account for these things.
"Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts." -- Isa 6:5
this is not the whole story though.
i can take comfort in the facts that:
1) this world is not my home
2) i will not be left behind
3) my sins, past and present, have been forgiven
4) i am going to a better place
5) my strength is made perfect in weakness
i have a confession to make.
this feeling comes upon me rather often nowadays, and i am consumed by it. it usually sends my mood into a downward spiral for a few minutes, and then all will be well. these feelings of guilt and shame usually come at times when i am alone, travelling, reading, or other stuff.
it is then when i realise how sinful, how unrepentant i am. it is also then that i realise how great and merciful a God i have. i am convicted of my sin, my guilt and all the wrongs which i have committed. only when i come back to the moment with a renewed sense of purpose do i realise the gravity of the situation.
when i talk about wasting time and money (which is quite often, actually), i say it only half-jokingly. most of the time at the end of the day i will look back and think to myself, "where in the day could i have made better use of my time?" usually the answer is obvious and too painful. the knowledge that i have wasted away the very things God has so mercifully blessed me with is not very comforting, and i shudder at the thought that i will one day have to account for these things.
"Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts." -- Isa 6:5
this is not the whole story though.
i can take comfort in the facts that:
1) this world is not my home
2) i will not be left behind
3) my sins, past and present, have been forgiven
4) i am going to a better place
5) my strength is made perfect in weakness
